You can only love someone else if you have an excess of love for yourself.
I recently watched a video of Lisa Nichols that inspired the living hell out of me.
In this video she talks about how we need to “serve from our overflow” – That you can only give love to others when your cup is not only full of love, but OVERFLOWING with it.
Full isn’t enough. If I have a full cup and I give you half of mine, now I’m only half full. While I may have helped you to fill up your cup, it came at a cost to me.
The only way that I can give you love without having a detrimental effect on myself is to give from my excess, to give from my abundance.
“When love Is hurting, it’s because you haven’t given YOU everything YOU need yet, and you’re trying to give other people what you still need.”
We must fill our own cups first. We must give love to ourselves before we can give love to other people.
Overflow your cup with self love. Fall in love with YOU!
When you’re in love with someone you want to spend every day with them, every minute with them, do everything you can and share every adventure that you can.
Are you this way with YOU? Are you madly in love with yourself? Do you want to hug and kiss yourself like you would your significant other? Can you sit quietly with yourself and be at peace, feel completely calm and at ease? Can you make love to yourself? Have great conversations with yourself?
Or do you fight with yourself? Argue? Doubt? Criticize? Does your “inner-critic” run rampant everyday driving you insane and stressing you out? Do you have negative visualizations of everything going wrong?
Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like the latter example? Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is full of negativity and anxiety and doubt?
So then why the hell would we do it to ourselves?!?!? Why would we talk to ourselves with anything BUT love and admiration and appreciation?!
You must be the sweetheart that you seek. You must be the caring nurturing loving person whom you want for yourself. You must take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself. Give love to yourself in abundance.
This doesn’t only apply to love either – I believe that it applies to a variety of topics – especially time and money.
If I don’t have enough time in my day for the things I need to do, how the hell can I devote time to you?
If I don’t have enough money to live the life that I want to, how the hell could I give money away?
Yet we see it everywhere.
In the context of time, people who jump into work like a zombie without giving time to themselves in the morning. OR people who go to parties and events that they don’t want to go to because they feel an obligation to others.
In the context of money, people who try to build businesses that “help” people, while they struggle financially and live lives of scarcity. People who give money to friends and family when they themselves are in debt.
Again – people who are trying to give other people what they still need for themselves.
You can only sustainably give your time to other people if you have an excess of time. You can only sustainably give people money if you have an excess of money.
You can’t do these things without harming yourself unless it is done from a place of excess.
So what can you do?
Learn how to give love to yourself. Learn how to make yourself your top priority. Learn how to be in a loving relationship with yourself. Be your own boyfriend/girlfriend.
Here’s how I do it –
- I hug myself every morning and night
- I take myself on dates
- I cultivate hobbies that make me happy
- I eat healthy and exercise – AKA I take good care of my body
- I buy myself gifts
- I sit with myself in silent meditation
- I spend a lot of time alone
- I sing and dance
- I act like a goofy child and get weird
- I tell myself that I love and accept me just as I am
I recommend that you do the same 🙂
Now get out there and overflow your cup of self love!!!
Also published on Medium.