I become an unproductive piece of crap when I’m having sex all the time.
I recently was swept off my feet by a beautiful brazilian woman. For six straight weeks I woke up to the best sex of my life every day.
And during that time, I’ve been a lazy piece of shit.
I wake up later, I’ve stopped meditating, stopped writing when I wake up. I rarely (if at all) work or do anything productive. I smoke weed all day. I drink more alcohol.
But…I’m in a wonderful mood. Smiling ear to ear. Grinning, laughing, dancing like a fool.
I just don’t have the same drive to get shit done. I’m rejoicing being a lazy piece of shit.
This isn’t the first time that this has happened to me either.
When I lived in Malaysia I was swept off my feet by a Yemeni girl. Within a month of dating her I was essentially living at her apartment, spending all of my time with her.
Throughout that time I was nowhere near as productive as my formal self. I let my business slip. Started making more mistakes. Forgot to manage more of my responsibilities.
Instead I would sit on the couch smoking weed and hookah all day, writing blog posts or having calls with people to make myself feel productive.
I hit the lows of my productivity output.
Here in Brazil with a different woman as well, one weekend we had sex non-stop for the entire weekend. It was fantastic.
But that Sunday when she left I was DRAINED. I felt like I had nothing to say. My energy was zapped.
People kept asking me if something was wrong because I wasn’t talking at all, and I am ALWAYS TALKING.
Frequent sex destroys my creative output. It makes me a lazy piece of shit.
I have coined this phrase, the “melting man”.
I know I’m not the only one.
We’ve all seen it. A friend of yours (I’m speaking specifically about men here) gets into a relationship quickly and is swept off of his feet.
The next time you see him he looks like he’s gained weight or is out of shape. Looks slightly different. Slightly less of the same man that he was before.
There’s a part of us that slips into lazy piece of shit mode when we are getting laid all of the time. The desire to take on the world is not kicking quite as hard. The intensity we bring into our days is slightly less.
We literally melt into the abyss of laziness. Of unproductivity and bad habits. Throwing our routines to the wind in the pure bliss that a new exciting relationship has to offer.
Most men need to calm the fuck down.
I think that this phenomenon is needed. It’s a GOOD thing that we become a bit more lazy.
Most men need to calm the fuck down. Not be so aggressive. Soften up a bit and be more gentle. Less intense and more intimate.
It’s amazing that women have this ability to balance us out. To make us calm the fuck down and stop doing shit all the time. To sit in the moment in pleasure and exhaustion.
I find it funny that I can make a direct correlation between how much I am writing and how much I am getting laid.
Productive week at work? Probably haven’t had much sex all week.
Make a lot of videos and have a ton of energy? Yeaaaaa, you’ve been on a cold streak.
Its funny that personally, I have a correlation between my productivity and how much sex I’m having.
It’s also funny that I’ve experienced myself becoming this melting man now a few times. Developing awareness that it is happening, and taking preventative measure.
It’s the truest test of discipline.
I don’t care if you have a routine that you’ve been doing 2 years strong and been very consistent…Throw a beautiful woman into bed with you for the next week and your routine will fly out the window.
I know it does for me. I’m going to make a large gross assumption and say that I’m not alone in this phenomenon.
It simply requires more discipline. If I’m going to keep my routine in place, that’s up to me. I can’t make the excuses that I’ve simply been lazy.
In those moments where you KNOW you’re going to be lazy in advance, it requires double the effort to make shit happen.
If you normally struggle to meditate, it’s going to be twice as hard to do it in the morning if you had a lot of sex the night before.
If you normally struggle to exercise in the morning, same thing.
It will require more foresight, more discipline, and more energy to keep up your work. To keep up the ebb and flow of your routine.
The Contrary – Women have MORE energy
Now, one other interesting phenomenon is that this also applies to women, but in the opposite way!
I’ve spoken to a lot of women that say after sex they feel empowered. Energized. Like they’re going to take on the world and get everything under the sun done.
And they do! I’ve seen days where a girl has different energy and is gliding through life with grace and crushing everything in her path, and then she’ll tell me that she had great sex the night before.
It seems to be a common phenomenon from the conversations I’ve had with friends about this experience, both on the male and female sides.
It’s like that episode of Seinfeld – George discovers that if he doesn’t have sex, he becomes smarter. Elaine on the other hand, gets dumber when she doesn’t have sex. THEN, when they do have sex, George becomes dumb again and Elaine becomes a genius.
I believe in the truth of this episode. Women get smarter and have more energy after sex, while men become dumber and calmer.
It’s a funny ebb and flow to see the inherent balance of nature with masculine and feminine energies.
New Vs. Existing Relationships – Knowing each other’s schedules
I think that this also applies more to someone who has recently gotten into a NEW relationship, rather than couples with a stable routine.
Once you’ve been together for some time, you know each other’s schedules. There’s a pattern of predictability to schedule your day around and know when you will be together.
A lot of this for me is because I’m traveling and I don’t have a job. I don’t have any real responsibilities. I can lie in bed until noon and not see any consequences of it.
I know that this is a result of that lifestyle. It’s easier for me to surrender entirely and fall into the trap of the melting man.
Because I have the freedom to work from home, it’s much easier to be less disciplined. The drugs of distraction are lying around me in every direction with no immediate downside to losing track of time.
This is something that I simply became aware of and wanted to share because I feel that other people might have had a similar experience.
I love this phenomenon. I love the beautiful energy of women. The balance of nature.
I find it fun to notice when I have slipped into bad habits. To examine the events that lead to me developing those bad habits, and then create future systems so that it doesn’t happen to me again.
OR, when it inevitably does happen again, I don’t beat myself up over it for being lazy. I enjoy the experience while it lasts and know that I will return back to a good system in due time 🙂
This has at least been my story. My experience. I’m curious to see if anyone out there has had something similar in their life.
Thoughts? Similar experiences? Let me know in the comments below!
Also published on Medium.