I'm doing this for me

I’m doing this for me

Over the last 2 months I’ve embarked on a journey of putting myself out there to the world. 

I’ve been posting more on Instagram, creating videos for Youtube, and promoting my writing.

At first glance it would look like I’m trying to build a following.

And I am. I hope my message spreads to millions of people. 

But in reality…I don’t care if I don’t. 

I’m not doing this for the followers. I’m not doing this for the attention. I don’t need the validation.

Everything I’m releasing, everything I’m publishing, is for myself.

For too long I’ve procrastinated on sharing my message with the world. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but always fell by the wayside.

But it’s gotten to the point where I can no longer endure the pain of NOT trying. I can no longer resist the call. 

When I sit down to meditate and reflect on gratitude I’m insanely grateful that I’ve lived such an amazing life. 

But when I examine my underlying anxieties, it’s always related to not doing the things I know I should be doing. 

I’ve always wanted to be an artist of some kind. I’m a creative madman who struggles to package it. 

I write. I speak. I freestyle rap and write poetry. I’m a voice actor. I get weird. 

The ideas flowing through my head pile into my Evernote to live and die there and never be released to the world. 

My life is an analogy for this. I have 8000 pictures I’ve never released to the world. An Evernote filled with blog topics that have never been written, ideas that have never been executed,  and poems that will never see the light of day.

It’s like looking at all of this stored up potential and asking myself, “what the hell are you doing dude you’re sitting on a fucking gold mine!!!”

Now i’m forcing myself to put it out. I’m forcing myself to create a following. Start a movement. 

A means of commitment to expression. Commitment to following through with what I want to do. 

Accepting the call that I have been resisting for so long.

As much as I enjoy the validation when people engage with what I’m doing, it’s not for you guys. 

As much as it’s nice to see the follower count grow, as much as I love views and comments, it’s just the cherry on top.

Im focused on the journey, the process, the day to day enjoyment of CREATION.

I’m focused on putting my vulnerabilities, worries, and fears aside so that I can grow into the person I know I can become.

This is for me to hold myself accountable to following through. Consistent creation. 

And I have a vision as well. I have a vision of people walking around the streets singing and dancing like they are in a musical. 

People who are able to get strange at the drop of a dime because they are mentally free of their preoccupation and worries. 

So yes, I’m doing this for them. All of the people out there who resonate with my message. Who think what I say is useful.

But I’m really just doing it for me. This is my art. My craft. And I want to explore it. Cultivate it. Fine tune it.

If I’ve learned anything in life it’s that everything good is created over a long time with consistent effort. Commitment to consistency with the courage to vulnerably put yourself out there to the world. 

That’s what I’m doing. That is my heroes journey. This is the next phase I’ve been resisting. It’s the thing I’ve always wanted to do but never properly built. It’s time to become a man and build what I say I want for myself. 

I have a long road ahead of me. I look at life in 7 year cycles and I fully intend to see this through for the next 7 years. To spread my message and refine it and continue to improve it. 

Bring it on, let’s do it. I NEED it. I have to. Feel compelled. 

That’s why I’m doing this for me. 


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.