I don’t think I’ve ever written a letter to my audience, directly addressed something to my readers. A thought piece where I simply tell you whats on my mind in the world of Troy.

So hey readers! What’s good!? Hope you’re smiling and dancing and living life with a smile!

I don’t utilise my newsletter enough. Don’t talk to all of you directly enough. Share things outside of the random articles I release on a week to week basis (or lack thereof).

So today, I sit down to write and braindump the recent thoughts flowing through my head, and want to include you in that journey.

I’ve fallen off track recently. Haven’t been releasing articles consistently. Normally I have a system where I write around 8-10 articles in advance, and then those provide me with a cushion of content that buys me time to write the next batch of 8-10. But historically, if I don’t have a backlog of content providing me that cushion, and I put myself in a position where I have to write>release…my consistency falls off along with it.

This is what has happened to me over the last few months. While traveling in Europe I fell off the consistency of writing, my backlog caught up to me after my flow related articles, and then ever since then I’ve been sporadic at best.

But hey, that’s the journey! As I always say, you’re always inevitably going to fall off the horse, it’s the determination and persistence to keep getting back on no matter how many times you fell off.

I also always talk about the importance of not beating yourself up. Not causing suffering for yourself through unnecessary worry and anxiety. So I’m not going to fall into the trap of regret and self loathing or disappointment with myself. No, fuck that.

I don’t feel bad about dropping off, because I’ve had other priorities. If I’m honest, I haven’t been writing because I haven’t really wanted to as badly as I want to do other things. I moved to a new city and I’m carving out a home for myself. I’ve fallen into a great rhythm at my dream job and wake up excited to go crush the day everyday. I’ve been slacklining consistently and getting my body in peak condition to be able to highline at my best. I’m making great friends and feel like I’m flowing through my days with a smile on my face.

But alas, yes, I do feel the nagging pain of ignoring my writing. I feel that sense of being unsettled in my core. My lack of artistic expression. The fly is swarming around my brain begging for my attention. The topics and thoughts on my mind are overflowing and I once again have a list of topics that I want to write on and release.

Maybe subconsciously thats how my brain works also. I need a sufficient threshold of data before my mind starts piecing the puzzle pieces together and the pattern recognition systems of the mind kick into overdrive. I need a certain level of procrastination and avoidance before that nagging pain of avoidance becomes so strong I can’t ignore it any longer. I need a certain number of topics I want to write about, and then I like the process of prioritising which ones I want to get out of my head first. The forces of procrastination eventually overwhelm me, sit my ass down, and put my ass to work.

My brother always talks about the path to mastery. The “Mamba Mentality”. The mindset Kobe Bryant brings into everything that he does. The mindset that I need to get in reps EVERY SINGLE DAY in order to become a black belt in life. I know that I need to work on my craft and become a master with vigilant effort. If I TRULY claim I want to be a writer, if I truly CRAVE to be the best writer I can be, then I have to get the reps in every single day. And I can’t be light on myself and accept that mediocre bullshit, I need to crack the whip and get back in the gym.

So today I get back on the horse again and go for a ride with the words in my mind.

I’ve also been battling myself with the direction I want to take my writing in. While I love my stream of consciousness thought pieces that are 5-10 minute reads on a variety of seemingly random topics (but if you read consistently you’re hopefully noticing the common threads along the way 😉 ), I also see them as the low hanging fruit of writing. It’s shallow. Easy to braindump onto the page in 30 mins to an hour. It’s become my comfort zone.

I’ve been feeling a pull towards writing something deeper. A longer story. Something that will take me months to build. Perhaps even years. I’ve been wanting to write more of my story. My stories and experiences from the road. My experiences on Ayahuasca and other plant medicines. The story of my brother. I’ve been wanting to experiment with fiction too. Create other worlds. Science too. I want to write something more scientifically and research backed.

It’s something I commonly see in the work I do training people in flow. Too many options and directions causes a lack of clarity, which creates confusion, which leads to inaction. In not knowing which direction to go, we don’t choose one at all because it’s easier to stay on our current path. Nothing inherently forces the decision so we can simply avoid it together…or we just remain in our comfort zone.

I’ve been staying in my comfort zone of short thought pieces. Been avoiding the deeper work of diving into something over an extended period of time. Something I work on and have to consistently come back to and rework and re-tweak.

So yea, in all I’m going to start working on something (probably a few things), in the background. The reality is that I need to step my game up. I will need a combination of building a backlog to keep releasing smaller articles, while simultaneously clarifying what I want to work on in the background, and then get to work on doing it. All actionable, all possible.

Im going to be releasing a lot of new styles and flavours. Normal thought pieces in the world of meditation, productivity, the relationship you have with yourself, and cultural insights. Tales from Ayahuascaland. Stories of my life in my journey of traveling the world for the last 10 years. Fiction and short stories. And who knows…maybe I’ll dabble with the thought of releasing a book at some point. Lets see what the future has in store 🙂

So stay tuned. Ride my waves of inconsistency along with me. Be human alongside me. I’m far from perfect and still figuring shit out along the way, it’s a fun feeling knowing that you guys are watching the story unfold with me. We don’t know where we’re going but it’s all about enjoying the journey along the way and what surprises pop up!

And if you can’t deal with that inconsistency, if you want me to focus on one topic and have some sort of semblance to the madness that is my mind, you’re free to stop reading and stop following along in the journey. I’m here to document my journey and the insights that come to me along the way. This shit is for me. You’re a passenger in my car and I’m behind the steering wheel and you’re free to get out of the car at anytime.

But hey…if you’ve made it to this point in the article you probably like the way I drive 😉

So for those of you who decide to stay, for those of you who are in the car with me blasting music dancing and screaming like a lunatic, for those who appreciate the journey over the ending, let’s go write a beautiful story together!

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